When Christmas Comes With a Side of Dread

A Tale of Two Decembers

There's something about seeing twinkling lights and hearing the opening notes of "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" that makes part of my heart leap with joy...and another part quietly curl up in dread.

Last December wasn't the cozy cocoa-sipping, fuzzy-socks-by-the-fire kind of holiday. It was the rush-Ziggy-to-the-emergency-vet, wait-for-diagnosis, almost-lose-him kind of December. We didn't yet know he had IBD and those two days of him in the hospital felt like an eternity of not knowing what was wrong. I was so overwhelmed and heartbroken that I ended up physically sick myself and missed out on several family holiday traditions that I usually love.

So here we are, a year later. The lights are back up. The songs are playing. But the fear is also back...like some unwelcome holiday guest that didn't RSVP.

And recently, Ziggy started showing some old symptoms again. (Cue the internal freakout.) Even though logic tells me this isn't the same situation...he's on meds, we've got a treatment plan and we know what we're dealing with now...my body doesn't seem to believe me. My nervous system is convinced we're back in the same nightmare. And honestly? That fear is loud.

When the World Says "Be Merry" But You're Just...Not

The holidays are weird like that. There's this unspoken pressure to be full of cheer, joy and sparkle. But what if you're not? What if you're scared or grieving or just not feeling it?

You are not the only one.

I'd be willing to bet that a large percentage of people are walking around with some mix of dread, sadness or loneliness beneath their glittery sweaters. Many people are carrying losses...some fresh, some old. Some don't have family. Others do...but the relationships are strained, painful or complicated. And all the happy-happy-joy-joy messaging that swirls around this time of year? It can feel isolating when it doesn't match what's going on inside your heart.

Your Emotions Are Not Holiday-Defying Crimes

So if you're feeling off, or anxious, or like you're holding your breath waiting for something to go wrong again...please hear me:

You're not broken.

You're not missing the holiday spirit gene.

You're human.

Just because it's December doesn't mean your hard feelings suddenly disappear. And just because people expect you to be jolly doesn't mean you have to be. There's no trophy for pretending.

Make Space for Grace

Instead of trying to force holiday cheer, I've been trying gentle thankfulness. Not big, dramatic gratitude. Just small acknowledgments of beauty. Little reminders that not everything is falling apart.

Like:

• Watching a squirrel do something ridiculous on the fence and whispering, "Thanks, God, for this cute creature."
• Looking out at the leaves turning their last glorious colors and pausing to notice the artistry of it all.
• Letting Ziggy snuggle up in my lap and feeling the gratitude that he's still here.

These aren't cure-alls. But they're reminders. And sometimes a reminder is enough to soften the edge of fear.

Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself This Season

If this time of year has your heart feeling tender or your nerves stretched thin, here are a few self-care ideas you can try. None of them require you to be "festive" or "on." Just permission to be human.

• Step outside and breathe: Even five minutes in the fresh air can help reset your nervous system.
• Watch a comforting show: Something familiar, gentle and low-stress...no surprise plot twists or intensity required.
• Take a social media break: If everyone's highlight reel is making you feel worse, it's okay to step back.
• Make a gratitude list with zero pressure: Just jot down whatever made you smile today. Even if it's "my cat didn't puke on the rug."
• Revisit a calming ritual: Light a candle, drink a warm drink, turn on instrumental music, pet your cat...repeat.
• Say no without guilt: You don't need to attend every event or explain your boundaries.
• Create a safe space: Even a cozy corner with a blanket and a lamp can feel like a retreat.
• Let yourself cry if you need to: Tears are not weakness. They're release.
• Speak kindly to yourself: If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to your own heart.
• Talk to God honestly: You don't need a script. Just start with "God, I feel..." and go from there.

You Are Not Forgotten in This Season

If this time of year brings sorrow, anxiety or even just a sense of heaviness, let this be a reminder: God sees, understands and cares deeply about what you're walking through. We live in a fallen world where suffering and fear are real...but so is the comfort of our Sovereign God, who is both present in our pain and powerful over it.

This season might not look or feel the way you hoped. But you are not forgotten. God is with you and His mercy is new every morning.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22–23